Wedding planning is making us fight: 5 ways to help when planning your wedding from a Cornwall wedding planner..
5 ways to keep the peace.
For many couples planning your wedding can be an amazing experience with fun, laugher and great memories. However, for some, wedding planning can be really hard work, stressful and not enjoyable at all and this can lead to unnecessary fighting.
As a wedding planner I didn’t get those built-up pressures as obviously it's what I do and I really enjoy it, however, what I did experience is a husband who knew nothing about the wedding industry or how much things cost! I would often hear the words…How Much!, doesn’t my opinion count?, who are they? We had already known each other for many years on the day of our wedding, but I can’t help but feel we hit our stride as a couple before and after our engagement. We learnt a lot about each other, and how to handle everyday challenges that we will encounter throughout our lives together.
Here are five ways that my husband Rick and I not only kept the peace throughout our engagement but became closer than ever before.
1. SHARING EXPECTATIONS.
Have you ever heard the saying that "expectation is the root of all heartache?" I love applying it to all areas of life, but it's especially poignant during the engagement period. Before the two of you begin planning, it’s important to sit down and discuss what level of involvement you each want in the planning process. Perhaps one partner is interested in the music and food whilst the other wants to research flowers and stationery. There are lots of ways to divvy up the duties so that it's not an all-in or all-out situation.
2. TALK MONEY
Discuss your individual financial situations and establish a realistic budget before you sign any contracts to prevent racking up debt. You don't want your celebration of a lifetime to prevent you from reaching future goals down the line, like buying a house. If parents are generous enough to contribute make sure you talk this through as the more people adding to the wedding budget the more opinions you need to please. If there is one argument that regularly arises it the ones where the parents are paying and want a say on the guest list.
Talk to each other, you are in this together.
3. TIMING IS CRUCIAL
Now I’m an independent woman. Like most things in my marriage, I get the last say (women generally do right!) and always win when it comes to what colour we are painting the living room or what cushions to buy. However, planning a wedding may be the best crash course in compromise available. It's important to include elements specific to both of your individual tastes, preferences, and hobbies. If you disagree with something, step back and consider how much that one element truly matters to you. If it's not a lot, let that one go. However, don't be afraid to speak up for the components that are important to you. Lastly, make sure you discuss these topics at a time when both of you are in the correct frame of mind to make a rational decision. Pouncing on your partner as soon as he or she walks in the door probably isn't the best strategy!
4. DIVIDE AND CONQUER.
While I am admittedly a type-A perfectionist, I quickly learned that asking for help was a lot better than suffering on my own. My husband is cool, calm and collected and rarely picks up speed for anything! He wasn't overly interested in our wedding day (Which he called the PARTY!) So I was happy enough to carry on and divide all of our wedding tasks, from big (booking vendors) to small (stamping and addressing envelopes). The key here is to trust each other, which is also a good lesson for marriage. Another important lesson is the ability to laugh things off. When you split up tasks, someone may make a mistake, but freaking out will only alienate your partner and make them feel excluded from the day.
Take some time out of wedding planning with a walk along the beach.
5. PRESS PAUSE
Give yourselves permission to press the pause button every once in a while. Ask your parents for the night to sleep on a subject. Then, spend some time with your partner not thinking about wedding planning at all. During my wedding planning days, my partner and I set aside afternoons each week where the wedding was off-limits. We would go on walks and talk about anything but the wedding. We would walk the dogs on the beach, watch a movie on the couch, or cook dinner together. Mainly, we tried to do the simple things that reminded us why we wanted the wedding day in the first place.
Support each other.
If you are struggling with wedding planning for your special day, don’t suffer in silence! Get in touch as a wedding planner can really help reduce stress and make the wedding planning a lot more enjoyable. Want to know how I can help? Take a look at my full planning wedding services.
